I have no idea what it is like to sit waiting at one of these clinics feeling joy and excitement. Even though the whole place was shiny and new, the desperation reigning inside of me painted a different reality. I suddenly found myself in that Travis music video where every single citizen of a town are pregnant women. I felt as though I saw – just like in the music video – a tumbleweed rolling across the waiting room. Elegant Buda-side tumbleweeds rolled from the reception to the examination room, rubbing their bellies with blissful serenity, and their feet weren’t swollen into some shabby h&m slippers, but quality Italian leather.

Have you ever noticed that the receptionists in these places are always immaculate, timeless beauties? When she handed me the registration-administration form, I would have loved to sniff her hand so that while I hold it dangerously close to my nostrils risking a covid infection, I could whisper it to her how fascinated I am by her soapy cleanliness. Seriously, it’s impossible to tell when these receptionists of perfect beauty, exuding ethereal purity, were born or what they have done with their lives before they were seated behind the clinic’s white counter.

I bet someone soaked them in milk at a farm. On a farm where there is... a lot of milk. The clinic’s administrative form snapped me back to reality from the milk farm dipping daydream. It suddenly became clear to me that the psychological warfare begins right there in the waiting area. They asked me such nerve-wracking, destructive questions that make you weigh up all faith you placed in your own self:

How old are you?
What is your marital status?
Are you a smoker?

Jesus Christ, I thought to myself, these guys want to ruin me. They take my personality apart to bits before they put me back together again in the examination room, where I will be fidgeting with my hands, while being naked on my bottom half, fearing for my future. Just like a fresh high school and drama class graduate from the countryside at the acting academy’s audition.

ÁGOTA BENEDEK, Masturbating while standing up
© Libri 2022